It’s OK to be Normal — Really!

This story highlights the double-standard that women in entertainment have had to put up with for ages. Susan Boyle is a fully average Scottish lass who is a sensation due to the contrast of her voice and beauty. If you haven’t noticed, women performers that we see on the telly are usually not so average.

Where are the female film stars with Steve Buscemi teeth? Are they all in Scotland as well? I love Steve, and have always admired that he has normal-person teeth and not an Invisilign bleached-out actor/performer mouth that seems to be required for those who wish a career in Tv/Film etc.

Birth of an Enclave

I’m becoming extremely annoyed with my continued menstrual cycles. I keep telling my body that I have no need for them as I am finished on the reproductory side of things but month after month they come, bringing their discomfort and nuisance with them.

I have one child. One is plenty. I think I will give my uterus to Michelle Duggar. Something tells me hers might wear out pretty soon.

The creepiest aspect of this family is that the females will grow up thinking that it’s normal to spew out double-digit families for The Lord.

Don’t Drop the Soap in the Hair

So Phil Spector has been found guilty in a court of law of the murder of Lana Clarkson. Old Phil’s going to Con College.

My question: How will Phil Spector deal with his hair obsession in prison? Can one even get a perm in prison?

Prison is the perfect place for scary dudes, but Phil is a scary dude with a perm. He’s a scary dude who would appear to be very persnickety about the hair.

If you see Phil in the yard — leave him alone. He’s bound to be having a bad-hair day.

PS: — you can read my column about the King County Fantasy Jail in the Seattle PostGlobe —

Seven Deadly Sins Tax

Washington State loves to tax liquor and cigarettes, and local Democratic Rep. Mark Miloscia said an 18 ½ percent sales tax should be levied against Playboy and other adult magazines, as well as porny pics, movies, videos, cable-television services, telephone services, audiotapes, computer programs and paraphernalia.

Why stop there? Why not tax or implement fines for gluttony, greed, sloth, envy and pride?

A gluttony and greed tax would be a sweet money-maker for the state — my family had to stop going to the Super China Buffet due to the excesses of patrons. One guy filled an actual dinner plate with the soft-serve ice cream that usually goes into a dessert cup. Sick.